I keep seeing something out of the corner of my eye. It freaks me out every time. These are the demons closing in. They flank and scurry. One of them is named Gerald and is not to be trifled with. He's always off the right eye. He's the one responsible for the daydreams in the asylum.
In 1993, in the "Fatal Attractions" storyline of the X-Men, Wolverine's adamantium skeleton is ripped out of his body (liquified), being separated and torn out through his skin by Magneto leaving only frayed bone. It was drawn by Andy Kubert, an X-Men regular and legend. The memory is visceral.
 |
One day back in 2003 I was living on the North side and was driving down Ball St. I opened my eyes and panicked because in an almost audible snap my brain had reset. I had no idea where I was or who I was. It lasted maybe a split second, but long enough for the genuine feeling of loss and panic to enter my body and leave a lasting impression. I have no idea how this happened, it was like I just popped into existence for the first time in that moment, and then remembered everything shortly afterwards. |
I have an intense imagination, I'm sure many can relate: this isn't special, nothing is. The Cult of Originality can burn in their unique flames. But I get things I call daymares. Yeah, it's that obvious, it's a daytime nightmare. It will sometimes occur at night while falling asleep but definitively before falling asleep, but often during the day too (always alone). I creep up on a thought and suddenly my brain/imagination takes over. I lose control of the thought/story. I lose vision (literally), I don't know where I am, it's just like dreaming and being asleep but I am not. Different phases in my life produce different scenarios. I have limited and sometimes no control. More recently it has been stories of me finding myself in an insane asylum/loony bin. Straight jacketed sometimes. It's usually a visit from someone close to me that urges me back to reality finding myself wide awake. I am watching myself as myself aware of myself. All conscious and all not in control. There is usually a breaking point where my storied self summits an uncontrollable emotion which "wakens" me and I realise I haven't been breathing or moving for the period of daymare. The reality of these daymares is inconceivably real, just like the most realest dream you've ever had, where you wake and have to bring things back in and take back control over your mind. Stupid insane asylum. Anyway, I've had probably 500-1500 daymares in my life, I can't be certain.
I feel pretty good about things. Today I will enter high-activity mode and produce results. It snowed. Rest is coming.
0 messages:
Post a Comment